Hidden Answer
by hinoirilwin
Summary: She was searching something out there and he wanted to know what it was. 「toumei answer companion」


**h** i **d** d **e** n **a** n **s** w **e** r |_ toumei answer companion_ |warning: contains _shinaya_ fluffy/akward/angsty moments |I do not own kagerou project

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><p>.<p>

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><p>「<em>I wish these days could've continued forever.<em>」

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><p>.<p>

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The sun almost set over the dusk when her umpteenth paper crane finally finished and neatly folded on her desk. Darker colors began to spill over the reddish canvas of evening sky. Ayano took another paper test with a big 59 streaked over its white surface in a glaring red color, and began to fold its thin material carefully. She hummed a familiar tune while in contrast from her relaxed posture was her companion, who gazed blankly at whatever he was writing down in his book.

"Nee, Shintaro?" she said quietly while folding yet another paper crane, her hair fell unruly and eyes downcast.

He paused his writing, and shifted his head to the girl who was sitting beside him for a fraction of seconds before he resumed his writing again—though this time faster. Ayano caught some complicated equation that messily scratched on his notebook from the corner of her eyes. She thought that he really never changed, though it'd been over a year since they first met.

"Hmm." he stopped for a moment, staring blankly at the mess sprawled before him. "You're done? Wait, I'll walk you home." he finished his messy calculation of difficult trigonometry equation with a long askew line and put his pencil down.

When Shintaro heard no sound of protest he started to gather his items as fast as he could. After he was sure that all his items were stacked inside his bag, he raised himself up from his seat, and signaled for her to follow before he trotted out from the empty classroom. But suddenly, a hand stopped him, and he turned to look at his companion—friend—with a raised eyebrow.

"What?"

Ayano looked conflicted for a moment, but then smiled that smile of hers. "It's—it's nothing. You can go ahead. I'm going to stay here for a little while." She nibbled on her peach colored lips and shifted her gaze outside the window.

"There's something… that I need to do before I leave."

His hand was released. Ayano snapped out from her daydreaming and continued to fold her slightly crumbled paper crane.

Shintaro was looking at her strangely now. It's unusual for her to stayed late at school, well, beside when she had another extra lesson from their teacher. She always returned home as soon as possible because she needed to prepare supper for her family.

"What is it? I will wait for you. It's dangerous for a girl like you to walk alone." His eyes were looking at hers but she shifted her gaze into the paper crane on her desk that almost finished.

_She's acting weird_, he noted. These days he noticed her strange behavior such as getting late to school—well, later than before—and sometimes she didn't even bother to attend school at all. Her grade were dropping, became even worse than before. She loved to daydream a lot in class and beside that most of her time was spent by making a paper cranes or looking through the window.

He found it troubling at how much she was looking out there. Her eyes would darken and Shintaro didn't know what she was thinking about when she was looking through that steel framed window beside her.

Her eyes were blank but he knew they were not simply looking. She was searching something out there and he wanted to know what it was.

"—ntaro? _Nee_, Shintaro?" her voice awaken him from his musings, and he gazed at her with his calculating eyes, trying to figure her out. But still—he found nothing but that smile that he loved so much even though something was missing.

"What?" he muttered while silently cursing himself for not paying attention. The girl beside him only laughed a little and smiled.

"It's just that you have been standing here for a couple of minutes straight. You want to go home right?" she said, her eyes left his figure and returned to another paper crane that still halfway done. Apparently her previous paper crane was already folded and stacked in her bag.

"I have been calling you several times but you won't respond no matter how loud I was." Ayano pouted cutely. Shintaro didn't know just how long he have been daydreaming that he didn't noticed her loud calls.

"No—it's nothing. I was thinking about some random things."

He knew that she didn't buy his lie, but still she went along with him. "Okay.. But really Shintaro I can manage to walk home alone. No need to worry—I'm going to be okay. That's why—that's why it's okay." She muttered somewhat bitterly.

That just made him even more troubled and he wanted to scream at her poor attempt to leave him in the dark. There's no way that he could leave her alone when she was—when she was like this.

He was lost in thought that he didn't notice it when Ayano peered through her eyelashes and smiled. Her hand stopped folding the crane for a moment then she focused her sight on him. Her smile widening and eyes filled with something he couldn't get his mind on.

"Goodbye, Shintaro."

_[Shall we say goodbye?]_

_No. Not like this—I'm still—Ayano, don't—! _

Something flashed before his eyes—_a memory_, perhaps?—and he couldn't help but feel the fears that began to prickled his skin. He was shocked, and hurt. His chest started to ache like hell and so did his head. And he didn't know why.

_[Shintaro… I'm sorry, I'm—]_

_No. Why.. why this scene seems so familiar… Please don't—!_

"Don't say that!" he cried with a strangled voice, eyes downcast. He didn't know what was wrong to him but he hated that word—especially when it came from her. She sounded like she would be gone the next second he shifted his eyes from her figure.

"Shin.. taro?" she looked surprised with his outburst that came from nowhere. "Wha—Hey, Shintaro. Are you okay?" her worried eyes washed over his pale face and shaking form. She stood up from her chair without shifting her eyes from him and held his hand against her smaller one.

"Is something wrong?" she asked anxiously when droplets of sweats formed on his unusually pale face.

Shintaro didn't know how to replied her. He was just as confused as she was.

"Shintaro? Please tell me what's wrong." she pleaded.

He was shaking—and Ayano din't know what to do beside holding his hand. He looked so pale, paler than he normally was and she was afraid that he would crumble anytime if she'd released his hand. The warmth of her fingertips slowly overhelmed his cold ones.

_He didn't want to say goodbye._

"I.. I'm—I'm okay. You—I mean—Just... just let me keep you company. If you still want to stay here, at least let me stay too." He was desperate, he knew that—but he really did find it hard to leave her side right now. He didn't want to leave her alone_. _Something was wrong with her and he needed to know what.

Ayano looked quite startled by his request—but then lead him closer to her desk, inching to the window that perched on the wall. She smiled wistfully when sunset washed over her eyes, a hand still gripping his while another nested on the window frame.

"Nee, Shintaro." she whispered, "When you looked outside this window, what did you see?" she asked softly.

_What did you see, huh? Isn't that obvious_, he thought. He shifted his eyes outside, following her gaze through the opened window.

"The sky—evening sky which already filled with dark clouds. Well, most of them." He muttered through his teeth, eyes forward while inside he was trying to compose his wrecked emotion. Looking at the sky calmed him a little though.

He saw Ayano smiled again, eyes downcast—she still didn't want to meet his eyes. "Of course. It was the sky that reflected in your eyes." She muttered quietly, more to herself than to him, and for a split of second, Shintaro saw regret crossed in her eyes. But then it was gone—just like it'd never happened in the first place.

"Do you know what? My mother used to say that when people died, they would be remained up there—" she pointed at the sky, "Therefore when their beloved missed their presence, they can stare on the sky until their longing perished." She laughed a little, "I didn't understand it at first, but then I began to look at the sky a lot and found out that I can, somehow, recall the memories that vaguely left of those who had already gone. I was so happy back then." Her smile was wide and her eyes twinkling in happiness.

"It helps me to remember—to not forget. Knowing that made me truly happy and I love it to observe the sky ever since." She shifted his gaze to him, "Sometimes I even wonder if I it's true, you know. That they are really up there, those people who had already died." She grasped his hand tight.

"What… are you trying to say, Ayano?" His expression began to crack again, because her words made him feel uneasy—it's just like she was hinting something he rather not thinking about.

Silence overcame the two of them, and Shintaro found himself afraid of a possibility that she would do something stupid later. As if she had known what he was thinking, Ayano grinned to him, "Why you've got such a long face?"

"I rather not say it." He sighed with tired eyes observing her face. "What's wrong with you Ayano? You're starting to scare me. Is something wrong? If that's true then please—_please_ tell me." he was afraid and her bitter smile only made it worse.

She didn't falter even a bit, eyes still downcast and hairs swayed by the wind.

"What are you saying, nothing is wrong." she lied through her lips.

He couldn't believe her, she was lying to his face openly like he was some idiot. He wanted to scream at her to stop lying and just tell him the truth. He hated to see that sadness behind her smile. If only she believed in him enough to tell him everything.

"Ayano, I—" he began, "I don't know what you're trying to hide." He gulped down his fear and moved closer to her, "But if—if I could help you, even a bit, why won't you tell me everything? I would do anything to help you, that's why—" He looked her straight in the eyes.

"—_please belive in me._"

Shintarou didn't care if he sounds downright pathetic, but he needed to make her understand that he would be there for her no matter what happens. She needed to know that he would do anything for her. Anything.

The girl in front of him began to lower her guard, he could feel her emotions heavily filled the empty classroom. He was scared that she would just brush him off—just like what he always did to her all the time.

"If—if I told you, would you understand it Shintaro? If I explained everything to you, would you hate me for it? _Nee_, tell me. What should I do?" hot tears flooded her eyes and her body was shaking uncontrollably. She grasped her uniform hard, splotched of tears formed on its fabric.

Ayano finally raised her head, peering through her wet eyelashes and swollen red eyelids. When droplets of tears glistened and fell down her face then he realized that she was crying. She was wrecked—so broken, and her eyes—they were full of pain and fears.

"I'm scared… so scared... what should I do… Shintaro I'm.." droplets of tears spilled over her flushed face again and again from her beautiful chocolate brown eyes, and Shintaro felt his own began to heat up, to burn. His chest tightened painfully like it was going to be crushed. He hated it when she cried. But Ayano kept weeping and weeping and her tears just _won't stop_.

The next thing he knew, she was collided into his warm body. Shintaro wasted no time in pulling her petite built into a tight embrace. Nothing else matter when the girl that he treasured so much was crying brokenly. Therefore Shintaro hugged her with all his might—eyes flooded with tears while his trembling hands circled around her. He held her carefully, like he was afraid that she was going to break if he let her go.

Ayano didn't know why but she was crying even louder. Maybe because she was so scared—she was scared _and god his slender body just felt so warm_. Ayano buried her face into his neck while her hands grasped his now damp clothes. She cried and cried until her voice turned hoarse. Her cries sounded heartbreakingly broken and he whispered words against her ears softly, hoping that she would calm down and stopped crying. They stayed on that position for a couple of minutes while silence fell between them. Only the sounds of chocked sobs echoed faintly inside the empty classroom.

Shintaro put his head over her and began to caressed her hair tenderly, "Hey, stop it. Stop crying. You're okay. I'm here now… Ayano." he murmured into her hair and he felt her smiled against his neck.

"Hmm… thank you, Shintaro." she murmured back, "I'm okay now. You can released me."

Instead of prying hismself off of her, Shintaro held her even closer and she felt his arms around her tightened.

"I don't want to."

"Why? I'm not—"

"—because I'm afraid!" he shouted, "Because I'm afraid... If I let you go you will disappear from me." He said bitterly and Ayano felt her heart breaking inside. She couldn't tell him, she must not. Because he would break—and she didn't want that. If she said goodbye, it would be hard for him to move on.

_[I'm sorry, Shintaro.]_

"Nee Shintaro. You don't have to be afraid. I'm not going anywhere."

_[Lies.]_

She titled her head towards him and beamed, "And anyway, if you really missed me that badly—just look towards the sky!"

"The…. sky? Why the sky?"

Ayano smiled that smile of hers.

"Because you will always remember me whenever you saw it. No matter how far apart—I will always watch over you. Believe me."

His eyes widened for a moment before softened into a tender gaze.

Such a honest girl, she was.

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><p>「<em>Ayano, all this time, I'm always—<em>」

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><p><em>.<em>

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"_Arigatou."_

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"_Douitashimashite. Ah, and Shintaro—"_

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"_What is it?"_

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"_Promise me—that no matter what, you will always look forward. Okay?"_

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"_Hmm. I promise."_

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><p>「<em>I'm <em>_glad. Because only those stupid enough even bother to look the other way._」

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><p>She was gone the next day.<p>

Until the end—she'd never told him a thing. Not even a bit.

The remains of her warmth that still lingered on his body was the only proof that she was alive just a moment ago.

Shintaro didn't know what had driven her that she gave up that easily. He didn't know what had troubled her all this whole time because until the end, he'd only left with the memories of her smile and her lies.

He hated himself for not noticing anything. Because if only—_if only_ he had noticed then she wouldn't be gone.

If only he had realized it faster—the message that lied hidden behind her words yesterday. If only.

"No matter what you will always look forward, huh?"

Tears were falling and he was broken. He approached the window and threw his gaze outside wistfully—only then did he realize what she had been implying to him all this time**.**

But it was too late.

—_too late._

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><p>「<em>If only I were able to get a little bit closer to the answer.<em>」

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><p>She had never thought that it would come to this. She never did, honestly.<p>

Because the evening sky that she'd watched with him was now tainted with black. It was an ugly picture, and it was even more disgusting with the presence of that—vicious, cruel, twisted—man in front of her. The school rooftop was empty beside her and her _dear_ companion.

The rail that she was sitting on felt strangely cold, even through her skirt. The wind was blowing furiously and the man—no, the _monster_—in front of her grinned sadistically.

_This is it_, she thought.

When she saw her brother face emerged from the door; even just for a spilt of second she did regret everything.

However she'd gone too far, there was no coming back for her. Not anymore.

And when she threw herself backward—don't look down, don't look down, _don't you dare look down_; she chanted—the orange skies suddenly blinded her eyes and she found herself thinking about him.

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><p>「<em>I'm glad that it was the sky that reflected in your eyes—<em>」

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><p>At the moment when the brilliant blue sky washed over him, he was forced to remember that everything was gone.<p>

The color of her hair. The red of her scarf. And that smile etched on her face.

That smile of her, who flew out this window and died—he won't ever forget it.

Not even tomorrow.

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><p>「<em>—<em>_and not the harsh concrete below._」

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><p>Author's note:<p>

It looks like I can't write anything decent besides angst and angst. For you who didn't noticed, I inserted some Toumei Answer lyrics inside (all rights belongs to Jin-san). I can't resist the temptation because the pv's and the song just beautiful… Anyway thank you for reading and I'm sorry for my horrible grammars and typos. Feel free to leave a comment, mata ne.


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